Sunday, February 8, 2009

Culture indeed.

The Sri Ram Sene's attack on pub-goers (pub-going women*) has left me shocked, frustrated and very very taken aback. More than the excuse these 'brotherly culture-cops' hid behind, or the despicable way their culture-cleansing exercise was carried, its the blatant double standard that bothers me the most.

They say women drinking, going to pubs and having a good time is against Hindu culture. I didn't know Hinduism endorsed MEN doing the same things. And honestly, this is a country where female deities are revered as the essence of life, which they are. This is the same country where a bunch of hoodlums hiding behind religion physically assaulted a bunch of women, caught themselves on tape and publicised what they did to the max.

The worst part about such mindless chaos as an actual system of governance is that it works so well. Sadly enough, no woman IS going to go out clubbing in Mangalore for a while, not while these glorious upholders of our tradition are still around.

But think about it, its not just outfits like the Sri Ram Sene, bias towards males has been everywhere, since time immemorial. Men go out, party, play the field, drink, have a good time, oh yes they're just 'boys having fun'. And they ultimately go on to marry a demure Indian woman. Women on the other hand, are supposed to stay home and learn to make chapathis, for if they, god forbid, go out and PARTY like their male counterparts (-gasp-), the stench of gossip will always hang around them and their marriage prospects will be ruined for good. Even in the western world, the girl is always the 'slut. The boy on the other hand, is a 'player'.

When we're eve-teased? Oh, we were dressed provocatively. Groped on a bus? We were giving them come-ons! Assaulted? We were so asking for it, they're only human, cha. Physically abused? Its our fault, we were born weaker and so, incapable of defending ourselves. Victims of dowry deaths? Its us, its us, why did we have to be born into families that aren't rich enough? Abused at the workplace? Oh, we were too educated for our own good. We're WOMEN, how could we let that happen?! Domestic violence? Its our fault, we should know to keep our husbands happy.

Like it or not, the accusing finger always points at a woman. I'm reminded of this conversation I had with Tariq a while ago, on strength and how women use their feminine wiles to manipulate the opposite gender (I said some women like to think its their way of being nice, and making sure other people are nice to them. He just found it weird, but I digress). He said men were stronger duh (in which case they shouldn't PICK ON WOMEN! and be bigger people.), but I think strength isn't measured by how much a person can inflict, but how much they can endure. And that way, women are definitely the stronger sex. But women being ostensibly weaker physically, men taking advantage of them is plain cowardly. Pick on someone your physical equal if you do have to 'prove your worth as a male', beating up a woman doesn't really elevate you in ANYbody's eyes.

I'm still shocked and frustrated, but I'm no longer taken aback. So it is, so its always been. And so it always MIGHT be unless we all take a stand somewhere. Think about it, is this the kind of world you'd want to bring a child into? Knowing that s/he'll either be the messee OR the messer? The kind of world where animosity is so intense, a woman actually has to think twice before accepting a job or wish she was a different gender before leaving the house? A couple of centuries of male subjugation would actually do the world a great favour right now, because talk of balance and equality doesn't seem to be doing it much. All the same, this isn't a boys vs. girls debate. This is how things are as I see it, and it'd do everyone good to just be the best people they can be. Its the least we can do!

9 people shouted back:

tariq said...

too bad for u.i feel so sorry for u women.bummer

Ryan.A.Nash said...

Before anything, Feeling sorry for women is another thing that the so-called GOOD men are culprits of. (Nothing personal da Tariq :P)

I heard about the rakhi or thaali thing. If they see a couple on the streets they ask them if they're siblings or in love. Accordingly rakhi or thaali should be tied.
Pathetic situation.

As for the male dominance and the it-is-your-fault-because-you-are-a-woman, well all that makes for good reading but more than half of what you've said out here has been abolished. Yes, still incidents of abuse, rape, dowry deaths are there but they have considerably lessened. The reason why some of it still exists is the fact that Those women see themselves as the lower sex. IT is different, men considering themselves higher and women subjugating themselves. Very different.

Men are assholes, I agree. But women empower them. SO in a way half of the problems are because of the women folk.

You should understand that the mutalik ideology affects the menfolk as well. :|

Respectful Disagreement said...

to blatantly blame the whole episode on men as a whole i deem unnecessary... you are ignoring the countless number of MEN who are actually good.. for example.. ME :D

no but seriously... this is like the whole world taking blame for one mental's actions..

crazylittlething said...

damn i did generalize a lot didn't i, i meant to put in that that was purely intended for those who ARE primitive enough as to endorse something like this, which i agree aren't a lot. but the truth is, they still are around; rape dowry deaths infanticides and instances of abuse ARE still around, and ultimately (read most of the time) women ARE expected to grin and bear it. and be as 'good' as they can to ensure nothing untoward happens to them.

i agree, going against something as innocuous as valentine's day is absolutely insane, and it does affect guys in this case. but when you consider the mangalore incident, girls WERE worst hit. i might be wrong, seeing how i haven't watched any of the videos, but i want to know whether the guys in that pub in mangalore came to the girls' defence.

i also agree with how things aren't as bad now, men do treat women with respect, they do respect gender balance. but its things like these that negate everything positive thats happened. all i'm saying is women definitely deserve a better deal, be it the fault of men or not.

also, i don't get this- 'men are assholes, i agree. but women empower them.'

Ryan.A.Nash said...

To put it simply, when you're already about to fall and someone drags you down still,inevitably you fall.

Sometimes women are ignorant enough to abide by the foolish customs in store for them. They accept men as their master and shit like that. So men take advantage of that.

in our own words, there ARE women primitive enough to endorse all this. and you could start by knocking sense in to them before taking on the men. (By you i mean the activists.)

straight from the heart said...

well what say ppl send anonymous v day cards to muthalik just for the heck of it???[:p]

crazylittlething said...

i'm not denying that there ARE submissive women around who put up with things like this, but you can't argue with the fact that all this has been inflicted on them.

blaming the victims is what still happens, and saying they perpetuated it just doesn't make sense. exactly, what men SHOULDN'T do is take advantage of women being submissive and such.

well there has to be someone to take a stand, and these women aren't going to unless they're cent per cent secure about where its going to take them. the men in their lives could do well to change a bit, that's all i'm saying.

@shyam.. pink chaddis are more like it :D

Sindhu said...

"strength isn't measured by how much a person can inflict, but how much they can endure" is a lovely way of putting it. almost ghandian.

pink chadis all the way.

crazylittlething said...

thanks, i was thinking of gandhi and his legacy to be honest. or maybe i got it off something having to do with gandhi :-/

Post a Comment